I shop at a local grocery store on the West Side of Charleston.  Now, this is not to be confused with the grocery stores of the same name in Kanawha City, South Charleston, or Ashton Place (this one is locally known as the Gucci version).  I live close enough that I don't really stock up on groceries, but instead spend a few quick trips throughout the week here.  This causes me to encounter the terrible parking lot etiquette that takes place at this store.

First off, before I just complain without a solution, I have one.  During your driver's license test, you should have to go grocery shopping with the administrator of the test.  You don't have to actually buy anything, but you should have to park, get out of the vehicle, walk into the store, and drive a lap around the parking lot before passing your test.

Below are just a few of my gripes.

  1. If you don't evenly split the parking spot, you suck.  You should be within a foot or so of the center of the spot.  You can't control the width of the spot, so it may be a tight squeeze, but you can control if there's three feet on one side and three inches on the other side.  Park between the lines.
  2. The area in front of the store is not for parking.  Dropping off your elderly grandmother is also ok, just pull off to the side so people can easily drive by you.  Once grandma is in the store, MOVE YOUR CAR!  If she's slow enough you need to drop her off in front of the door, she's going to be a little while.  Don't sit there on your phone playing games while she's taking 37 minutes for each aisle and traffic is backing up behind you full of drivers plotting your death.  Society is crazy enough today, it just may happen.
  3. This is really a look at the intelligence level of society if this sentence has to typed; Driving on the right side still applies.  Parking lots may technically not be completely enforceable as far as typical driving laws go, but if you drive in the middle of the driving lanes, then sit parked in the middle of the turn in lane where people can't get passed you to pull off the road, then you should be punched in the face before pulling onto the main road.
  4. Be in a parking spot to unload your groceries.  I don't care if you only have two bags, if you have to open more than one door to get into your car, then sitting in the driving area is going to take you too long to be considered acceptable.
  5. 20 miles per hour is probably too fast for most parking lot.  However, 1.7 MPH is too slow.  Driving safely is important, but driving too slowly could be a detriment to your health when somebody gets out of their car and walks up to your car and kicks you in the knee cap.  If they were able to walk and catch up, you probably deserved it.
  6. Don't introduce yourself to me in a parking lot.  Chances are I'm angry at the douche bag move that was just pulled in the parking lot.  I'll look like a jerk, and I'll probably hate you.

These are just a brief outline of my parking lot etiquette.  There's a lot more rules, and I'll share them as I observe the parking lot and become sad enough about the behavior of people to go home, cook dinner, and then sit down and type them out in a fit of prolonged rage.