No, not servers.  I'm not going to rip on the people bringing you your food.  Never piss off the people who bring you food.

Swervers are the name I've chosen to give people to swerve from lane to lane in busy traffic to try to get somewhere faster than the flow of traffic because they think they're so important.  You've heard excuses for why they do it...

1) "People just don't go fast enough, I don't have time to waste."  Newsflash, when you are a douche bag lane swerver, chances are, I'm going to end up sitting at the same red light getting to my location just as quickly as you are.

2) You're not "smarter than everybody else," you're just a greedy, self-absorbed asshat.  We all know we could get out of this lane and pass on the right up the merge lane just to cut people off.  We choose not to do it because we don't hate everybody else on the interstate.  The merge lane is for merging, not passing.  Speaking of merging, it's called a zipper merge for a reason.  You let one car in, then you go, then one car comes in, then you go.  Stop trying to shove the nose of car behind the one in front to get one car ahead.  It will save you approximately 3 seconds, and everybody hopes you die.

3) "I have places to be."  Are you a firefighter, EMT, doctor, nurse, police officer, etc?  If you are, thank you for helping and I hope you get where you're going quickly.  If you're not, I hate you.

Swervers are, without a doubt, some of my least favorite people in the world.  Not only are they dangerous drivers, but because people have to slam on their breaks when they get cut off by these jerk faces, they slow down the rest of the world.  So, when you're in the car with a swerver and you get to your destination, punch them in the face as hard as you can and say hello for me.

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